What Are The Things You Must Know Before Seeing A Marriage Counselor?

Is your marriage experiencing too much turmoil? Are you having difficulty in saving the relationship? Do you still want to try again and make things work? If you answered yes to all these inquiries, then consider yourself lucky because there are still many solutions to your problem. Luckily, you can still go through marriage counseling or couples therapy. Before engaging the services of a counselor, these are the things that you must know first:

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Small Things You Can Do For Self-Acceptance

In an ideal world, when you ask someone if they like themselves, they immediately answer with a resounding “yes.” But sadly, a lot of us have not come to be proud or accepting of who we are. Self-acceptance is tough for many people.

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But there are ways to jumpstart our quest toward accepting ourselves. Here are some of them.

Allow Yourself To Rest

In today’s age, people always seem to be on the go. Because of this trend, we tend to feel guilty when we’re not productive. This type of thinking can often lead to burnout.

What you can do is to accept the fact that you also have to rest. Allow yourself to sleep, hang out with friends, read a book, play video games, or whatever relaxes you. Remind yourself that you don’t have to be doing something useful all the time. “Sleep can restore your mind and body. The immune system repairs itself and the brain rests and recharges while you sleep. Without enough sleep, you can’t function at your best.” A piece of advice from Dr. Aaron Kaplan, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist.

Accept Compliments

One thing we all tend to have difficulty with is accepting compliments. We often downplay our achievements and strengths, shrugging or laughing off whatever praise people give us.

Next time someone compliments you, let “thank you” be the first words out of your mouth. It won’t be boastful when you accept praise for hard work. Give yourself the credit you deserve by learning to take a compliment and by giving yourself one as well.

Believe In Positivity

“The sensation of pressure doesn’t have to be negative—it can be a positive challenge and motivating.” Alicia H. Clark, Psy.D. said. Although cliché and sometimes hard to believe in, positive quotes can help with self-acceptance. Focus on things that help you feel good about yourself. Leave yourself a note with a compliment, subscribe to daily inspirational messages, and hang posters of affirmations. These things will keep negative thoughts away.

However, this doesn’t mean that you have to stay positive all the time. Always trying to be happy can also be stressful. It’s only right for us to feel and experience other emotions. Positivity reminds us that there are good times after the bad.

Accept Your Mistakes

Self-acceptance isn’t only about agreeing to the good. Learning to love yourself includes recognizing your mistakes. Recognize that there are people you have hurt, you’ve made some bad choices in life, and you’ve let opportunities slip by you. These faults are part of who you are, but they do not define you. Learn to embrace them as part of your being and then forgive yourself for them.

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Be Careful With Self-Criticism

To some degree, self-criticism is a helpful practice that allows us to recognize our faults and thus correct them. It helps us grow as an individual in our personal and professional lives. However, our inner critic can sometimes be unnecessarily harsh. For many of us, we are our worst enemy.

For this reason, we have to be careful with self-criticism. Our thoughts can sometimes be cognitive distortions. Examples are magnifying mistakes, minimizing achievements, and being swayed by emotions instead of reason. Try to stay rational and be gentle with the things you tell yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to the people you love, then you probably shouldn’t say it to yourself.

With self-love comes self-acceptance. “Self-love is important to living well. It influences who you pick for a mate, the image you project at work, and how you cope with the problems in your life.”  Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D. said. To do so means to be kind and compassionate toward yourself. Allow time for rest and fun, receive compliments with grace, and let positivity in and block out the negative. Be careful when it comes to self-criticism all while recognizing past mistakes and forgiving yourself for them. With these practices, you’ll be able to confidently show the world that you’ve accepted yourself for who you are.

 

How To Deal With Rejection

How To Deal With Rejection

No matter how successful you may be, you may still experience rejection. Be it in work, family, love, or friendship, rejection is painful. Being rejected makes you feel like you are not good enough, and it often leads to thinking negatively.

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Being turned down may stop people from trying to do something again, but how do you effectively deal with rejection? Although it is a painful experience, there are ways that you can bounce back and use it as a motivation to become better.

Acknowledge It

The usual response to rejection is hiding the fact that it made you feel bad. That may work for some people, but dealing with the uncomfortable feeling head-on is the healthier reaction. Take some time to cool your head. Rather than suppressing the emotion that you are feeling, acknowledge it. Admit to yourself  that you feel sad or discouraged, and then you will eventually start feeling a little bit better. “People with a healthy self-esteem tend to view failure as an event. People with low self-esteem often view failure as fatal. This thought process pummels one’s self-esteem and overtime being a failure becomes their identity.” counselor Monte Drenner says.

Reflect On Yourself

Instead of blaming other external forces that led to that moment of rejection, try to reflect on yourself first. What did you do wrong, or did you do anything wrong at all? What can you do the next time to get a better result? After allowing yourself to dwell in your emotions, turn it into an opportunity for self-growth and a motivation to improve.

Ask For Support From Friends Or Family

“When trying to keep a positive attitude, you must avoid people who thrive on negativity,” says Fran Walfish, PsyD. Talking to other people, especially those you are close with, can help in clearing the mental and emotional block that you have been feeling. Surrounding yourself with sympathetic people will help you see things more clearly. As they can offer you another perspective on things, they can provide you feedback that you are looking for.

Talk To A Professional

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Sometimes even if you open up to your family and friends, their words of encouragement may feel like a required consolation of some sort. Sometimes they do not offer the right words or advice that you need at the time. Do not be afraid of seeking help from counselors, therapists, and other support services to help you heal.

Build Your Self-Esteem

In Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D. blog, she says, “If you are struggling with low self-esteem, it is encouraged that you seek some type of help and support to work through this issue, and to help you be the best version of yourself that you can be.” Let yourself feel the negative emotions, but do not dwell on it for a long time. Focus on fostering your growth. Accomplish things one at a time and build up your confidence to try on new ideas. Make a list of activities that you want to accomplish, and by the end of it, it will remind you that there are still good things left to look forward to.

Do Not Let It Be The End

Process all the things that have happened before and after the rejection. You may hurt for a while, but do not ever let rejection define you. Failing is okay, but do not be limited by it. Successful people did not reach their current state of life without ever experiencing heartaches first.

You learn from every failure, and it is a normal part of life. Learn from the experience and bounce back as a stronger you.

 

How To Deal With Unreasonable Clients At Work

Regardless of position or industry, at some point, we would have to deal with a rude or unreasonable client. When selling vehicles or real estate, salespeople face clients who refuse to listen and, at times, are uptight when negotiating prices and freebies. In the field of technology, clients bash programmers for the tiniest details in the application. In the food service industry, waiters would occasionally have to deal with the rude customer.

Handling someone who is irate is one of the leading sources of stress in the work environment. As Sonja Seglin, LCPC explains, “Stress can seem omnipresent. Between working, socializing and taking care of the home, it sometimes seems we don’t have a minute to ourselves, let alone enough time to really take care of our bodies and minds.” Whether clients are somewhat justified or are downright unreasonable with their gripes and demands, find out a few expert tactics to get out of the situation feeling fresh and unscathed.

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Tip #1: Maintain A Calm Demeanor

Do not stoop down to the level of the client. When they shout or utter offensive language, there is nothing to win if you act the same. If you respond harshly, the outcome will not be right for you, as the conflict will escalate to a level it should not reach. Keep hold of your mood and reactions at the moment and let the stress out elsewhere later on. “overwhelm might manifest as an intense emotion, such as anxiety, anger or irritability; maladaptive thought process, such as worry, doubt or helplessness; and behavior, such as crying, lashing out or experiencing a panic attack.” That is according to Marla W. Deibler, PsyD

Tip #2: Do Not Take Things Personally

In most cases, the customer is angry at the product or service, not at you. When a client gets mad because the car you sold was defective, the client is mad that the car is faulty. A customer complaining about the food being too bland is complaining about the blandness of the food. Only in rare cases would clients attack you because of you. Keep the personal out of the equation and remain professional about the entire situation.

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Tip #3: Listen And Take Note Of What Matters

When a person keeps going on about their problems with a product or service, the best approach is to pay attention to what they say. Moving beyond the sludge of uncalled-for words and the rising volume of voices, you need to figure out and identify what the problem is. Similar to those tricky reading comprehension exams, you need to understand the entire story, weed out the unnecessary information, and determine the main problem.

Tip #4: Divert The Flow Of The Conversation To The Solution

Once you have identified the problem, it is now time to move on to find the answer to the concern. The client is unreasonable because they are currently facing an issue with the product or service you have provided. Once you have determined the problem, you have to find the key to sorting things out. You can do this by checking what you did in the past or asking experts to help correct the problem. Once you have provided the solution, there is no reason for there to be an unreasonable client. “We should examine the inextricable role that self-love plays in any and all human connection.” A reminder from Clinical Psychologist and relationship expert Molly Gasbarrini, Ph.D. 

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Tip #5: Sympathize

Showing sympathy is arguably the most effective and efficient strategy for anyone facing an angry customer. The fact of the matter is the client is not satisfied. If the client genuinely sees your concern and senses an effort from your end to address such concern, the customer will no longer show any hostility towards you. Make an effort to truly understand and realize that it will be a win-win situation for everyone if we turn conflict into an effort to fix the problem.

The effectiveness of these tips will require patience and determination. Facing irate customers is tough for everyone, but knowing how to handle them better will bring you relief.

Best Mental Health Books That You Should Read

Statistics confirm that one out of five teenagers under 18 years old suffers from various mental illnesses. In terms of the mental disorders diagnosed among the youth, depression leads the category. With the increasing number of individuals affected, it is essential to keep the conversation going and break the stigma on mental health. Here are the best mental health books that you should read to help enlighten you on this complicated issue.

Source: goodreads.comSource: goodreads.com

The Marriage Plot: A Novel

The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides is one of the winners of the Pulitzer Prize. The story revolves around an English major at Brown named Madeline, who was trying to go back to the right path of life through her love for Victorian literature. On the side, the book also tackled the complicated relationship she had with Leonard.

Most readers say that Leonard is a possible fictional stand-in for a friend of the author named David Foster Wallace. According to them, he had been suffering from depression for more than half of his life and ultimately took his own life.

“While suicide is a very serious health and national problem that requires our attention, an even less public reality is that many of us have had suicidal thoughts at one point or another in our lives.” –Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC

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Reasons To Stay Alive

This book by Matt Haig is one of the best books tackling the lives of those with depression and anxiety. Not only does it focus on the big things that happen beyond this mental disorder, but it also focuses on the little things that happen in their lives.

“Look at negative thoughts like reruns of a TV show you’ve seen a million times. Let them play in the background while you shift your focus to something else.” –Jo Eckler, PsyD

What’s also good about this book is that it is made up of lists, anecdotes, and bite-sized chapters that are easy to read. The size of the book also lets you place it anywhere, even in your back pockets.

Anxiety For Beginners

Eleanor Morgan’s Anxiety for Beginners explores the impact of anxiety on those affected by it directly or by proxy. The author also puts lightness to the read in between grueling narratives like the chapters “A Total Fucker” and “Two Lites of Pus.”

It is also an excellent read for people who want to raise their awareness regarding the matter. The book is the best way for them to work their way on the different spectrums of the human mind.

Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, and Me

The author, Ellen Forney, focused on her own life story dealing with bipolar disorder. She narrates how she was diagnosed with it and how she overcame its consequences through reading and writing. She also tackled the dangers of equating mental illness with creativity and intelligence, an issue that is rampant but is not touched on.

Source: goodreads.com

There Is No Right Way To Meditate

In this book, award-winning writer Yumi Sakugawa tries to guide you into tapping your inner self to help find the peace and fulfillment that you have been seeking. What’s nice about There Is No Right Way To Meditate is that it starts with simple tips on everyday matters to more complex topics like living in the present through self-awareness.

“Meditation is not just relaxing, but to be keenly aware of the present moment while not interfering with mental activities that revolve around our little self.” –Andrea F. Polard, PsyD

This piece will dig deeper into your inner soul and unconsciously make you traverse the road of tranquility.

These five books will help you, whether you are having a difficult time or you want to be aware of mental health issues. You may also ask for the assistance of some therapists in cases that are too complicated to handle through reading books alone.

Can You Become A Better Person?

One of the common struggles of many people is to changing into becoming a better person. The truth is that it can be difficult to get on with life especially if you feel that it is challenging to transform yourself into your best version. According to a therapist, several people try to do it but they end up failing because they are not sure how to make to happen in the right way. There are those who are too excited to improve their lives without knowing where to start. If you are one of these confused individuals who aim to become a better person, be sure to read the rest of the article. We are going to discuss the different ways that you can do to make things right.

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You need to be mindful of these things:

Be Passionate To Change

The initial step that you must complete is to convince yourself why you need to change into a different person. You need to be passionate about improving yourself so that everything will be easier on your part. Take note that the more you show your willingness to change, the more inspired you become. Karla Helbert, LPC, E-RYT, C-IAYT used to say, “Awareness is the beginning of all change.” If it continues to happen for a long time, there is a good chance that you can meet your goal at the soonest time possible. Fuel your desire to become a better individual.

Say Goodbye To Excuses

There may be several times in your life when all you can think about is negativity or difficulty. You are too consumed in thinking of self-limiting doubts and questioning your ability to succeed. Because of this, you often tend to think negatively about yourself. All those negative thoughts and emotions can hinder you from transforming your life into something you deserve. As such, it is time to stop making excuses for your shortcomings. Believe that everything is within your reach and that nothing is impossible as long as you know how to keep trying. 

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Manage Your Emotions Well

If you want to become a better individual, promise yourself that you will do whatever it takes to manage your feelings and emotions. Make sure that you are mindful of everything that you do and say because it can affect how you will feel at a given time. Aside from this, you must get in touch with yourself so that you will understand the choices and preferences that you make every single day. Take note that having continuously mixed emotions can have adverse effects on your mental health. In the long run, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression. Because of this, you must learn how to take control of your life and the things that you allow to affect your daily mood. “It’s important to underscore here the importance of monitoring your mental health and knowing how different medications and lifestyle changes can impact your mental health.” Julia Hogan, LCPC said.

Let Go Of Pain

“Mental health struggles are real. They can be painful. You may feel alone. In some of the darkest times, you may feel like something is “wrong” with you to the core. ” Erica Thompson, LMFT, LPCC said. If someone has caused you a tremendous amount of pain in the past, the best thing that you can do is to forgive that person.  There is no point in dwelling in the past because the truth is that you can no longer change it. What is vital or crucial at this point is that you make an effort to focus on your present so that you can have a fantastic future. Let go of the pain by forgiving someone for hurting you. Aside from this, you must also learn how to forget so that the sad memories can be replaced with happy ones. You can do this as long as you know how to see your real worth as a person.

Listen To Other People

Do not be too hard-headed when it comes to fixing your life. Whether you like it or not, the truth is that you need the support and assistance of the people surrounding you. All you must do is to know who among your friends and loved ones can be trusted in leading you to the right path. If one of them offers advice on what to do with your life, be sure to listen to him. Never shut him away because you think you know better. Keep in mind that you need him to help you get back on track and follow a life that is full of abundance and happiness.

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Another thing that you must do when it comes to becoming a better person is to give yourself a chance to love others. The more you show love and affection to others, the better your life becomes. Take your time in transforming yourself because it does not happen overnight. It needs to be a continuous effort so that you can see the fruits of your labor. 

Tips In Seeking Professional Help From A Therapist

Mental health is one of the aspects of your life that you must neglect. As much as possible, make an effort to focus on your mental wellness because it can affect a lot of things in your day-to-day life. Remember that psychology tells us that focusing on the unfortunate events and negative moments can unveil a different version of you. When you continue to entertain stress and anxiety, then there is a high probability that you will end up feeling depressed. The moment this happens, the first thing that you must consider is to get in touch with a therapist.

 

 

There are many struggles or challenges that you may encounter the moment you decide to search for the right professional to handle your case. What are the qualifications that you must look into a mental health expert? What are the ways to get in touch with the best one? Is it possible to make the arrangements online? These are just some of the questions that will enter your mind. To make things a lot easier for you, we have decided to write an article that talks about the various tips to remember when it comes to seeking professional help from a therapist.

 

Here are the top things to know:

 

Be 100% Sure About The Decision

 

Before you start your search for a licensed therapist, make sure that you are already decided on it. The essential thing to do is to make up your mind so that your efforts will not go to waste. Keep in mind that the moment you try going to therapy, you can never go back. Be prepared with what others may say in case they find out about your current circumstances. Nonetheless, never let their comments about your choice to avail of therapy sessions affect your mental health journey. Take note that you are the only one who can make this decision final for yourself. “Focus on yourself and your own happiness and do not compare yourself to others.” says Marc Romano, PsyD

 

Use The Internet For Convenience

 

In the past, people need to look at printed directories before they can find certain names or contact numbers of persons. With the recent advancements of technology, everything has changed. Nowadays, it is already possible to get information from the Internet through the available search engines. With only one click of a button, you can already get the complete list of available therapists in your area. What you must do is look for the top five performing experts. After that, gather their qualifications and educational background as well as their experiences in the field of therapy. Use all these data help you come up with an informed decision.

 

 

Ask For Recommendations From Others

 

Another thing that you can consider is to get in touch with your friends or loved ones who have tried going to therapy sessions or those who are currently in contact with a licensed therapist. Feel free to make inquiries about the whereabouts of their recommended therapist. Remember that you must be careful or sensitive in all the questions that you will ask. Make sure to limit all inquiries only to topics relating to the professional work of the therapist. Never make the mistake of asking about personal matters as it can lead to an awkward situation.

 “Therapy helps people to develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships, become free of old patterns, or simply find ways to process pain or memories that have kept them feeling stuck.” –Dr. Mitch Keil

Avail Of First Meeting Offers

 

Are you aware that many therapists are available for initial meetings with potential clients? It means that a lot of them can be approached first before you sign them up as your official therapist. All that needs to be completed is to set an appointment with their secretaries. The reason why this has become practice is because of the reality that many patients cannot easily come up their mind about their choice. The truth is that persons have high standards when it comes to therapy sessions. If you do not want to make an error in judgment, it is best if you will meet up with the therapist first before committing to a long professional engagement.

 

 

Conclusion

 

“Take a mental health day, take time off from work and refuel & recharge, whatever that looks like for you personally.” Audra J Lee LMFT advises. Always put in mind that you need to make an effort in taking good care of your mental wellness. Never neglect your mental health as it can have a lot of adverse effects, not only in your life but also in the lives of the people surrounding you. The moment you feel that something is wrong with your mental condition or psychological behavior, be smart enough to get in touch with an expert. Remember the items mentioned above so that you can get the right help that you genuinely deserve.

 

Approaches To Mental Health Problems: REBT Vs CBT

There are various ways on how to cope with mental health problems and therapy is one of them. One of the most famous kind approaches to these disorders is popularly known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). What most patients are not aware that there is another treatment strategy which might be more apt with their condition and it is called the Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

REBT is a type of behavioral therapy which was introduced by the famous Dr. Albert Ellis in the year 1955. Its approach deviates a little bit from traditional counseling and treatment; for this reason, coined as a revolutionary way of dealing with mental health problems. However, it is also seen to have similarities with CBT. Both types of therapies focus more on human emotions and behaviors which zooms ins to ideas, beliefs, attitudes, and thinking.

“Therapy is right for anyone who is interested in getting the most out of their life by taking responsibility, creating greater self-awareness, and working towards change in their lives.” –Chris Corbett, PsyD

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REBT For Improvement Of Mental Health

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People are naturally irrational and reactive. Sometimes, we don’t know why we do things in certain situations. Most of the time, we blame our behavior to the unfortunate circumstance we happen to be into. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy or REBT believes otherwise. Whatever is happening does not emotionally disturb us. Instead, it’s how we perceive the problem based on our philosophies, beliefs, and feelings that lead us to act irrationally. Everything we do is a reflection of how we view things, and most of the time; it’s on the negative side which affects our mental health.

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Schools And Books: Tips For New Teachers

Working as a teacher is one of the best opportunities that you need to value. As much as possible, make sure that you make an effort to be excellent at what you do so that you can build a good career out of it and eventually help your family. At this point, it is essential to emphasize the reality that teaching is a rewarding profession. As long as you give your dedication and commitment to the job, you will surely reap its benefits.

 

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Below are some of the tips that very new teachers must be familiar with. If you are starting in this industry, make sure to familiarize these things:

 

Be Prepared

 

Never make the mistake of attending a class without studying your subject. Take note that you have to teach the students enrolled for a particular subject. Unfortunately, you cannot do this efficiently if you are not prepared with a lesson plan. Keep in mind that the more you know about the topics, the easier it would be on your part to share your knowledge. Fortunately, it has become more convenient to research specific topics these days. With the use of the Internet, you can already read books online. At the same time, it is also highly possible to purchase top books through online stores.

 

Use Positive Reinforcement

 

Make an effort to let good students know that they are doing great in their studies. Let these children know that you are proud of their accomplishments. In so doing, they will strive harder to study for your class. Conversely, avoid saying negative remarks to students who are still struggling to understand the subject. Be a ray of hope to these kids and let them know that they can get better. Remember that corporal punishment is strictly prohibited in schools. Never make your students feel that they are worthless because of your words and actions.

 

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Trust Yourself

 

Do not doubt your capacity to impart knowledge to your students. Instead, be confident that you are ready to take on the job. As already mentioned above, being a teacher is such a fantastic opportunity that is available only to those who deserve it. Believe in yourself so that you will not have a hard time doing your job. Increasing your self-confidence can do a lot of wonders in your profession. Before you go to school, make it a habit of facing the mirror and saying “I can do this!” to yourself. Try to practice saying affirmations until you make it a way of life. Remember that you can never become an effective teacher if you question your ability to teach and inspire the pupils.

 

Connect With Students

 

Remember that teachers are considered as second parents of the children. For this reason, it is crucial and essential for you to build a good relationship with your students. Let them feel that they can open up to you at any time. Take note that your role as a teacher does not only end in the classroom but even outside. Your students will become more interested in going to school if they find you friendly and accommodating. Hence, it is essential to make yourself available whenever they want to get in touch with you. Avoid giving them a hard time reaching out to you.

 

Talk To Parents

 

As already mentioned above, academic professionals are considered as second parents for the young individuals under your class. It means that your connection with the students is special. It is more than being an educator. The parents of these kids entrust the safety and welfare of the latter to your hands. Because of this, you need to continue to show the parents that you deserve the said trust. If you believe that there is a serious issue that needs immediate attention, do not hesitate to get in touch with the parents with them. Look for a method to call or connect with them.

 

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Ask For Advice

 

At this point, it is vital to recognize the reality that becoming a new teacher is a tough job. There will be days when you will find a lot of issues or problems. During these moments, the right thing to do is to keep going. Do not allow anyone or anything to prevent you from starting a successful career path in the teaching industry. Always remind yourself that several individuals around you will be more than willing to assist and help you in any way possible. Make sure that you surely take advantage of this by seeking advice from them.

 

Whenever you feel like that the profession has become a struggle on your part, do not be afraid to take a rest. However, since you are still new to the teaching job, be sure to ask for permission from the head of the school or academic institution. You can never be absent without filing a leave.