REBT Can Save Your Marriage

 

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Is this type of conversation familiar and regular between you and your husband?

Woman: What is this? (Her face looks annoyed and disgusted, rolled into one. In her mind, he is so lazy and doesn’t care to help around the house.)

Man: You said I needed to do the dishes and so, I did. (He was raising his eyebrows, and his voice is slightly elevated too. The husband thinks that his wife is so demanding. He also feels that she is always finding fault in him.)

Woman: Yes, I did. And that meant, you also clean the surrounding area, you know. Since you eat here, you cook here too, and well, you live here too, right? It doesn’t mean that because I’m the woman, you expect me to cook and clean for you. I work 10 hours a day like you do! (Now, she’s beginning to get angry.)

Man: Hey, you said, “do the dishes” and that’s what I did. You didn’t say clean the whole kitchen. I always do what you say because “you’re” the boss. Whatever you command MUST happen at once. (He is sarcastic.)

Woman: Are you insulting me?

Man: Oh no, I’m not. I can’t do that to you, you know.

And so, the fight ensues. Is this happening to you? Well, if it does, then, your marriage is about to crumble and near its downward spiral.

“Couples often feel that they know and understand their partner, and are compatible on most issues. However, this is a mistake.” –Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC

Are you ready to get a divorce? Do you want to separate from your husband or wife? The real question here is – why do you find ways to hurt your spouse? Are you not head over heels in love with him or her just a few years ago?

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Self-Harming: How REBT Can Provide Relief

 

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You’ll never predict people who self-harm. Some may seem ordinary, jolly on the outside, and happy with their lives. There are no traces in their “personality” that they harbor such ill feelings for themselves and self-harm, while others are more prominent in showing their symptoms. Honestly, it is just so sad.

The questions here are: Can self-harming lead to suicidal thoughts, and is it because of the situation or the person’s mental health state?

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REBT On Recovering Drug Addicts

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With studies and scientific approaches on drug addiction treatment evolving, there are various ways to combat the dependency which promises success. REBT or Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy is one of those approaches. Combined with sheer will and determination, an ex-drug addict can achieve permanent sobriety through REBT and live a healthy drug-free life.

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Surviving A Heartbreak From A Failed Relationship

A successful marriage does not happen overnight. You cannot expect a person to fall in love with you right away. There has to be a process of getting to know each other and discovering each other’s strengths or weaknesses. This is the primary reason why relationship experts require two persons to go on several dates first before deciding to get married. Failure to follow this could lead to marital problems and eventually in divorce.

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Is Marriage Counseling Effective? 

There is a debate as to whether or not marriage counseling is effective. Some individuals claim that it cannot save any marital union at all. On the other hand, some people also say that this mode of counseling has helped them reunite with the ones they love. Because of different views, many couples are having difficulty in determining if marriage counseling or therapy is something that they could try.  

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What Are The Things You Must Know Before Seeing A Marriage Counselor?

Is your marriage experiencing too much turmoil? Are you having difficulty in saving the relationship? Do you still want to try again and make things work? If you answered yes to all these inquiries, then consider yourself lucky because there are still many solutions to your problem. Luckily, you can still go through marriage counseling or couples therapy. Before engaging the services of a counselor, these are the things that you must know first:

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Small Things You Can Do For Self-Acceptance

In an ideal world, when you ask someone if they like themselves, they immediately answer with a resounding “yes.” But sadly, a lot of us have not come to be proud or accepting of who we are. Self-acceptance is tough for many people.

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But there are ways to jumpstart our quest toward accepting ourselves. Here are some of them.

Allow Yourself To Rest

In today’s age, people always seem to be on the go. Because of this trend, we tend to feel guilty when we’re not productive. This type of thinking can often lead to burnout.

What you can do is to accept the fact that you also have to rest. Allow yourself to sleep, hang out with friends, read a book, play video games, or whatever relaxes you. Remind yourself that you don’t have to be doing something useful all the time. “Sleep can restore your mind and body. The immune system repairs itself and the brain rests and recharges while you sleep. Without enough sleep, you can’t function at your best.” A piece of advice from Dr. Aaron Kaplan, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist.

Accept Compliments

One thing we all tend to have difficulty with is accepting compliments. We often downplay our achievements and strengths, shrugging or laughing off whatever praise people give us.

Next time someone compliments you, let “thank you” be the first words out of your mouth. It won’t be boastful when you accept praise for hard work. Give yourself the credit you deserve by learning to take a compliment and by giving yourself one as well.

Believe In Positivity

“The sensation of pressure doesn’t have to be negative—it can be a positive challenge and motivating.” Alicia H. Clark, Psy.D. said. Although cliché and sometimes hard to believe in, positive quotes can help with self-acceptance. Focus on things that help you feel good about yourself. Leave yourself a note with a compliment, subscribe to daily inspirational messages, and hang posters of affirmations. These things will keep negative thoughts away.

However, this doesn’t mean that you have to stay positive all the time. Always trying to be happy can also be stressful. It’s only right for us to feel and experience other emotions. Positivity reminds us that there are good times after the bad.

Accept Your Mistakes

Self-acceptance isn’t only about agreeing to the good. Learning to love yourself includes recognizing your mistakes. Recognize that there are people you have hurt, you’ve made some bad choices in life, and you’ve let opportunities slip by you. These faults are part of who you are, but they do not define you. Learn to embrace them as part of your being and then forgive yourself for them.

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Be Careful With Self-Criticism

To some degree, self-criticism is a helpful practice that allows us to recognize our faults and thus correct them. It helps us grow as an individual in our personal and professional lives. However, our inner critic can sometimes be unnecessarily harsh. For many of us, we are our worst enemy.

For this reason, we have to be careful with self-criticism. Our thoughts can sometimes be cognitive distortions. Examples are magnifying mistakes, minimizing achievements, and being swayed by emotions instead of reason. Try to stay rational and be gentle with the things you tell yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to the people you love, then you probably shouldn’t say it to yourself.

With self-love comes self-acceptance. “Self-love is important to living well. It influences who you pick for a mate, the image you project at work, and how you cope with the problems in your life.”  Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D. said. To do so means to be kind and compassionate toward yourself. Allow time for rest and fun, receive compliments with grace, and let positivity in and block out the negative. Be careful when it comes to self-criticism all while recognizing past mistakes and forgiving yourself for them. With these practices, you’ll be able to confidently show the world that you’ve accepted yourself for who you are.

 

How To Deal With Rejection

How To Deal With Rejection

No matter how successful you may be, you may still experience rejection. Be it in work, family, love, or friendship, rejection is painful. Being rejected makes you feel like you are not good enough, and it often leads to thinking negatively.

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Being turned down may stop people from trying to do something again, but how do you effectively deal with rejection? Although it is a painful experience, there are ways that you can bounce back and use it as a motivation to become better.

Acknowledge It

The usual response to rejection is hiding the fact that it made you feel bad. That may work for some people, but dealing with the uncomfortable feeling head-on is the healthier reaction. Take some time to cool your head. Rather than suppressing the emotion that you are feeling, acknowledge it. Admit to yourself  that you feel sad or discouraged, and then you will eventually start feeling a little bit better. “People with a healthy self-esteem tend to view failure as an event. People with low self-esteem often view failure as fatal. This thought process pummels one’s self-esteem and overtime being a failure becomes their identity.” counselor Monte Drenner says.

Reflect On Yourself

Instead of blaming other external forces that led to that moment of rejection, try to reflect on yourself first. What did you do wrong, or did you do anything wrong at all? What can you do the next time to get a better result? After allowing yourself to dwell in your emotions, turn it into an opportunity for self-growth and a motivation to improve.

Ask For Support From Friends Or Family

“When trying to keep a positive attitude, you must avoid people who thrive on negativity,” says Fran Walfish, PsyD. Talking to other people, especially those you are close with, can help in clearing the mental and emotional block that you have been feeling. Surrounding yourself with sympathetic people will help you see things more clearly. As they can offer you another perspective on things, they can provide you feedback that you are looking for.

Talk To A Professional

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Sometimes even if you open up to your family and friends, their words of encouragement may feel like a required consolation of some sort. Sometimes they do not offer the right words or advice that you need at the time. Do not be afraid of seeking help from counselors, therapists, and other support services to help you heal.

Build Your Self-Esteem

In Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D. blog, she says, “If you are struggling with low self-esteem, it is encouraged that you seek some type of help and support to work through this issue, and to help you be the best version of yourself that you can be.” Let yourself feel the negative emotions, but do not dwell on it for a long time. Focus on fostering your growth. Accomplish things one at a time and build up your confidence to try on new ideas. Make a list of activities that you want to accomplish, and by the end of it, it will remind you that there are still good things left to look forward to.

Do Not Let It Be The End

Process all the things that have happened before and after the rejection. You may hurt for a while, but do not ever let rejection define you. Failing is okay, but do not be limited by it. Successful people did not reach their current state of life without ever experiencing heartaches first.

You learn from every failure, and it is a normal part of life. Learn from the experience and bounce back as a stronger you.

 

How To Deal With Unreasonable Clients At Work

Regardless of position or industry, at some point, we would have to deal with a rude or unreasonable client. When selling vehicles or real estate, salespeople face clients who refuse to listen and, at times, are uptight when negotiating prices and freebies. In the field of technology, clients bash programmers for the tiniest details in the application. In the food service industry, waiters would occasionally have to deal with the rude customer.

Handling someone who is irate is one of the leading sources of stress in the work environment. As Sonja Seglin, LCPC explains, “Stress can seem omnipresent. Between working, socializing and taking care of the home, it sometimes seems we don’t have a minute to ourselves, let alone enough time to really take care of our bodies and minds.” Whether clients are somewhat justified or are downright unreasonable with their gripes and demands, find out a few expert tactics to get out of the situation feeling fresh and unscathed.

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Tip #1: Maintain A Calm Demeanor

Do not stoop down to the level of the client. When they shout or utter offensive language, there is nothing to win if you act the same. If you respond harshly, the outcome will not be right for you, as the conflict will escalate to a level it should not reach. Keep hold of your mood and reactions at the moment and let the stress out elsewhere later on. “overwhelm might manifest as an intense emotion, such as anxiety, anger or irritability; maladaptive thought process, such as worry, doubt or helplessness; and behavior, such as crying, lashing out or experiencing a panic attack.” That is according to Marla W. Deibler, PsyD

Tip #2: Do Not Take Things Personally

In most cases, the customer is angry at the product or service, not at you. When a client gets mad because the car you sold was defective, the client is mad that the car is faulty. A customer complaining about the food being too bland is complaining about the blandness of the food. Only in rare cases would clients attack you because of you. Keep the personal out of the equation and remain professional about the entire situation.

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Tip #3: Listen And Take Note Of What Matters

When a person keeps going on about their problems with a product or service, the best approach is to pay attention to what they say. Moving beyond the sludge of uncalled-for words and the rising volume of voices, you need to figure out and identify what the problem is. Similar to those tricky reading comprehension exams, you need to understand the entire story, weed out the unnecessary information, and determine the main problem.

Tip #4: Divert The Flow Of The Conversation To The Solution

Once you have identified the problem, it is now time to move on to find the answer to the concern. The client is unreasonable because they are currently facing an issue with the product or service you have provided. Once you have determined the problem, you have to find the key to sorting things out. You can do this by checking what you did in the past or asking experts to help correct the problem. Once you have provided the solution, there is no reason for there to be an unreasonable client. “We should examine the inextricable role that self-love plays in any and all human connection.” A reminder from Clinical Psychologist and relationship expert Molly Gasbarrini, Ph.D. 

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Tip #5: Sympathize

Showing sympathy is arguably the most effective and efficient strategy for anyone facing an angry customer. The fact of the matter is the client is not satisfied. If the client genuinely sees your concern and senses an effort from your end to address such concern, the customer will no longer show any hostility towards you. Make an effort to truly understand and realize that it will be a win-win situation for everyone if we turn conflict into an effort to fix the problem.

The effectiveness of these tips will require patience and determination. Facing irate customers is tough for everyone, but knowing how to handle them better will bring you relief.