A successful marriage does not happen overnight. You cannot expect a person to fall in love with you right away. There has to be a process of getting to know each other and discovering each other’s strengths or weaknesses. This is the primary reason why relationship experts require two persons to go on several dates first before deciding to get married. Failure to follow this could lead to marital problems and eventually in divorce.
At this point, you need to understand that each person has a different personality. You cannot force someone to change just because you want him to act the same way that you do. This is where the challenge comes in. It requires effort, understanding, and patience to maintain a good relationship with your partner. Unfortunately, there are times when no matter how much you try to make things work between the two of you, everything just falls apart. When this happens, be sure to do these:
Take A Break
“If emotions become heightened, it’s a good idea to implement a safe word prior to the discussion which indicates that one of the partners needs to take a break,” says Michelle Smith, LMHC. Do not suffocate yourself with the presence of the other person. Learn how to take some time off so that you could think about the situation. Stop being dependent on your partner. Instead, use your time to re-assess where the relationship is going. If you believe that there are no more possible ways to save the marriage, then maybe it is time to let go. Staying in an unhappy marriage will keep on hurting until you find the way out finally.
Accept The Reality
Once you discover that the differences in the relationship have become irreconcilable and painful, the smartest thing to do is to accept it. Give yourself a chance to heal by choosing to move forward instead of lingering into the past. Remember that there are many reasons why a marriage falls apart. Stop blaming yourself for what happened. Keep in mind that you can turn your life around. Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC explains, “Relationships in and of themselves do not create mental illness.” However, he adds, “When we suffer in our relationships, it can be difficult to move forward from past hurt and trauma.”
Call A Friend
Having a friend to comfort you will make your situation lighter and better. As such, do not hesitate to get in touch with your best friend or a close family member. Allow them to help you in letting go of your failed marriage. Divorce or separation can shatter your world. “Divorce is not something that should never be entered into lightly. It means an end to that relationship and the breakup of a family, which can be greatly traumatizing to the children of that marriage.” Jennifer Baxt, LMFT, LMHC said. Fortunately, there are people around you who could offer their love, support, and care at the time when you need it most.
Find A Therapist
Take note that people have several ways of coping with a broken heart. Never compare your progress with others. Whenever you feel that the pain is unbearable, make sure to find a counselor or therapist in the local community. This professional can assist you in the moving on process. Sometimes, it feels good to open up to someone who will patiently listen to everything that you need to say. The assistance of this individual could speed up the healing or recovery process.
Finding out that you need to go on separate ways with your partner is truly disheartening. Just remind yourself of the things enumerated above to help you deal with it.